Relativity

Most of you who know me know about my beloved (and extremely spoiled) cat Liam.  I have made the decision to bring Liam with me on my next jaunt to Los Angeles as this will be a prolonged stay and asking anyone to take of this most belligerent of house guests is asking too much.

The fact that the fat beastie will be accompanying me on a five hour flight is causing me no end of stress.  My friend Camielle was kind enough to loan me a carrying case that conforms to Air Canada’s rather strict limitations on cage dimensions. The only problem is the case was purchased for her small dog, and Liam is a very large cat.  I brought the case in the house in the hopes that he would investigate it on his own.  It is Christmas and the place is strewn with various bags and boxes of all sizes.  Liam has spent hours wedging himself headlong into the most improbably small containers, and spelunking every possible portal made available to him.

But like every child on Christmas morning who plays with the tissue and not the gift, he has chosen to explore every single container but the one in which he will make his journey.

Then there is the issue of size.  Do you remember the scene in the original “Jaws” where the Great White is seen in an overhead shot swimming by the boat and you think “My God, the shark is bigger than the boat!”.  Well, I had a similar view of the cat this morning:

My God.  The shark is bigger than the boat.

This does nothing to alleviate the mounting tension of actually having to wrestle him into said confines.  I have to arrive at the airport well in advance with inoculation certificates in hand.  He must appear alert and healthy at customs, which means I cannot drug him to the tits in advance and cannot administer the kitty equivalent of triple scotches until we are well delivered into the departure lounge.  I anticipate no small amount of wailing which I sincerely hope can be limited to the feline member of the traveling party.  I myself do not drink, so am considering bringing on board a small cudgel so the airline staff may deliver a quick blow to the head to assuage my anxiety.

I once managed to stuff myself into my friend Jennifer’s enormous suitcase.  I am wondering if it would just be easier to let Liam have my seat, and I will just check myself as baggage.  It might prove to be less painful.

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