Archive for June, 2013

Another amazing accident

Sunday, June 16th, 2013

I am a pretty active person.  I exercise frequently and I am always up for trying new and challenging things.  I have gone to circus school, boxed, jumped out of a plane, taken trapeze lessons and hopped around in kangoo boots amongst various other adventures.  Yet every time I sustain an injury it is while doing something so banal it is ridiculous.  A few years ago I bruised my kidney and cracked a rib while taking out the recycling.  Friday night I broke my wrist by tripping over my own sleeping leg on the way to the bathroom.  (This may be the last public admission of such as I am working on some far more entertaining excuses.  I am currently toying with a jousting mishap or perhaps a heroic rescue that may or may not have a bovine element to it).

The long and the short of it is I may be sporting a cast for the next five or six weeks which should dovetail nicely with the stickiest, hottest, humidest part of the year.

The wrist that I broke is the right one and not only am I right handed but stubbornly and emphatically so.  I am slowly learning how useless I am with just my left hand.  I found myself eating in a posture one might associate with a famous bell tower inhabitant in an effort to shorten the distance between bowl and mouth.  I suspect there will be a lot of soup in my diet.  As I have no hair and make up team I am clinging to the hope that the Medusa look will make a rousing comeback in the extremely near future. I already know I am going to eternally grateful to whoever it was that invented Nair and those U shaped picks that hold dental floss as without them my personal grooming/hygiene would be damned for certain.  While cooking dinner last night I realized I needed someone to grind my pepper, which wasn’t a metaphor until I thought about it and realized that I will indeed need someone to both literally AND metaphorically grind my pepper.

We’ll see what the next few weeks bring.  I have been tapping this out with the ring finger of my right hand as it sees to be able to take the impact on the computer keys.  Writing is out – below is a sample of my sole note for this missive:

So I look forward to several potentially very itchy weeks discovering the limitations of having but one mitten.  If you see me on the street and I launch into an elaborate tale of  arm wrestling a Samoan giantess I hope you will smile and indulge me.


Bernie Taupin

Thursday, June 13th, 2013

If I could assume another identity I would really like to be Bernie Taupin.  Don’t know who that is?  Don’t worry –  many people don’t.  Bernie Taupin is and has been Elton John’s lyricist for many years.  Elton tickles the ivories (and many other things if you believe the press) and Bernie tickles the words.  He gets paid an enormous amount of money for it too as he collects a 50% royalty share from Sir Elton’s myriad hits over the years.  A subtle change of “Goodbye Norma Jean” to “Goodbye England’s Rose” changed a 1973 song that peaked at #11 in the UK charts to the number one selling single of all time (33 million copies and counting).  That’s Bernie!

The reason I admire Mr Taupin so is that he has all the trappings of success – the wealth, the freedom, the creative outlets – with none of the irritations of a famous profile. He is the ultimate behind the scenes guy.  While Elton can go nowhere in much of the modern world without being recognized Bernie can easily pop over to the local Walmart for new undies and never catch a second glance.  He can even hand over his titanium American Express card with his name revealed in full sparkly splendor and not create so much as an arched eyebrow from the average checkout maven.  (Not that I am sure he would be in a Walmart – his estimated wealth is about $450 million).

I remember as a teen being asked if I would rather be rich or famous.  At the time it was a question worthy of serious debate, despite my being cripplingly shy at the time. I don’t recall if I came to a conclusion but as the ensuing years have proven a steady march towards neither fate I suspect it was  rhetorical in nature.  Now, of course, it is a no-brainer.  Money can fund an overwater bungalow in Fiji.  Fame ensures someone will try to take an unflattering photo of you while you are there.

Bernie Taupin is front of mind as I have just discovered he is a rather talented painter as well as composer and is having a show at a local Gallery.  He will be there in person and  I think I shall pop up and see it, and see if I can meet that man who would be me.  Perhaps I will try to take an unflattering photo for posterity.